////////////////////// Reflections//////////////////////
Management Course-----
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a genie comes out. The genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
Puff! She's gone. "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
Puff! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"
The eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree" sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your
friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep
your mouth shut!
THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
For those of you who have been searching for the key that unlocks the universe, there's bad news and good news -----
The bad news is that there is no key..............the good news is that the door was never locked.
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You
know you live in the Maritimes when ...
1. Your idea of a traffic
jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor....on
the highway.
2. You know all 4 seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter and
Construction.
3. You measure distance in hours.
4. You know several people who have hit a deer.
5. You
think of the major food groups as: Meat, Fish and Tim Horton's.
6. You use a down filled comforter in the summer.
7. You can drive 100 km through 13 feet of snow during a raging blizzard
without flinching.
8. You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events.
9. You install security lights on both your house and garage and go and
leave both unlocked.
10. It
takes three hours to go to the store for one item, even when you're
in a hurry because you have to stop and talk to everybody in town.
11. You carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use
them.
12. There are seven empty cars running in the parking lot of the Canadian
Tire store at any given time.
13. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
14. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with
snow.
15. Your lingerie consists of tube socks and flannel pyjamas.
16. "Vacation" means going to New Brunswick for the weekend.
17. You
often switch from "Heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
And Finally: You know you live in the Maritimes when ...
18. You actually understand these jokes.
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What luxury to be so happy that we can grieve over imaginary lives. "Late Hours" by Lisel Mueller
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Nobody can make
you feel inferior without your permission.
-Eleanor Roosevelt-
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I have come to believe that prayer is not a matter of my calling in an attempt to get God's attention, but of my finally listening to the call of God, which has been constant, patient, and insistent in my inner being. It is up to me to learn to be polite enough to pay attention. "Speech, Slience, Action!" by Virginia Ramey Mollenkott.
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Life, at its core, is about choice. We come to earth with sealed orders and should live as if the choices we make have importance outside our own little comfort. In learning to choose the highest and best at each opportunity, we are never asked to do more than we are ready to do. But we are continually challenged to higher and higher levels of personal growth. A deep inner hunger will not let us rest. The true self knows we came her to accomplish miracles. Science of Mind, 1998.
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Free will has no other power but that of concurring with or resisting the work of God.
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It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
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Sometimes those who wander aren’t really lost at all.